I wouldnt advocate using the pull-out method alone, but if some stranger says Its cool, Im on the Pill and you dont *quite* believe her and you dont have a condom, I guess it wouldnt hurt. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. Actually no. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Are you kidding? But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. I dont care. So go control them all you please. Whoa whoa whoa this kid should be the most important thing in his life, over her? I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. April 9, 2012, 5:24 pm, The mention of being logical for some reason made me think of the whole idea of true abandonment. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. iseeshiny It was her choice. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. honeybeenicki We all know breakups are painful. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. bittergaymark I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. This surprises you? Dr. Sherry. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. Please do better. reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A Is this a valid summary? It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. Maam, hes made a choice. . Dont force him to be. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. iseeshiny Your welcome. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. He didnt give you another child. Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. 2. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. Nice try. Men AND women have walked away from children. lets_be_honest So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. Or until we decide to start a family.. Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. And water. But you know what? I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. Thats seriously not cool. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. iseeshiny Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. Guy Friday We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. reader, bright.beautifulK90+, writes (24 November 2010): A Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. But coke didnt mean for its bottle to explode and take your arm off either. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. My sister has 3 birth control babies. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. And how can you be mad at the woman? 10. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. I was devastated. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. rainbow April 9, 2012, 9:30 pm. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider. Why do you assume everything is so laid back though? Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Why? And I am, I must admit. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Abortion is safe and legal, right? Dump this creep. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Steve Kellmeyer LOL. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. Image Source. Not good enough. April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. So it sounds like the mom here mustve been in a postiion to want and/or raise a child. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. Second, regardless of what sort of cretin this dude is, the baby mama is no better. I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. I dont see anything wrong with his points. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Id confirm that hes actually the father. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. Oh thank you thank you thank you! what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. Takeoff Shot in Head and Torso, According to Coroner Report, Aaron Carter Pulled Over On Suspicion Of DUI While Driving RV. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. Solved. Does that change the situation as all? Chuck Pelto A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Dont care to be properly identified? SweetsAndBeats AndreaMarie Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. 1. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. And those rapists who raped them get the money? And fools are welcome to the horror you and your ilk inflict upon them. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? Exactly where is there a grown-up here? Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. We . bittergaymark Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? I wish it's that easy. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. What a laugh. 2. John Rohan April 11, 2012, 11:50 am. Which is not true. Even if she was on birth control. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Just something to think about. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Story. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. Model Mustang. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Just sayin. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Cut your losses and get the hell out. John Rohan No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with.
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